Summer in the Cabin of Self

So it's been a really interesting summer. One that is much more interesting in reflection. Full of personal growth and definitely more of an understanding of what I want to do with my life. One of my realizations include less avoidance of living circa those wonderfully avoidant chemical reactions and more tangible book reading and reflecting that makes up the sandbox of my adult mind.

Unfortunately, the dark clouds of life's necessities and realities have encroached on the freedom of a summer full of new friends, a new fire of activism within me, and some really interesting experiences with a grandfather that is grumpy as hell but deep down needs more love than he'll ever know.  I find that his negative, yet in his mind, necessary habits that he has repeated throughout 93 years of his life end up alienating himself from just about everyone, and brings himself further from his needs for connection, acceptance, and understanding. So, I think I am making some pretty startling and new discoveries about psychology and people.


So other than not having a solidified understanding of how I'm going to make money at the end of this tiring college career, I am heading in the direction that I want and I think that it is important to remember that. Money is how I make a living and as long as I keep living and understanding myself I can only get closer to the goal of living itself.

I am almost done with 'The City and the Pillar' by Gore Vidal and am completely enchanted by his honest, straight forward literary style. The man is a genius, plus it is incredibly inspiring to know that this brilliant piece of work was made at an incredibly high price career-wise for it's sympathetic depiction of a gay man (The New York Times refused to review his next five books which forced him to write his next few novels under a guise). Inspiring, I want to be more like this man.

(you listening Bandura?)